Divorce

» celinecharlotte - are we going too fast?

Hi all!
I am celine 36, and have two children 10 and 8, boy and girl, I am divorced.
Two month ago I met a great man, 43, two children 9 and 8 boy and girl, he is a wido, for two years now.

We met, we fell in love, our kids met fairly soon afterwards, they really seem to enjoy each other,so far, we are extremely lucky.

Now, since my children go to their dad every second week end, I have a 'free' week end, that I usually spend with him and his children.
We have one night just to ourselfves, from 6pm till next morning 9am, and that is all. SInce it happens only on a friday, we are exhausted at the ned of our weeks, we both work full time, but me from home,and seem to rush all avenues to feel intimate, all squashed in about a few hours when we would needs days weeks if not month!!!

I have a problem in wondering if we are not rushing the kids into this :
Yes we really like each other, I feel a lot of love for this man, and he has demonstrated that as well.
Yet, when we are with his children I fit into the background, as in we CAN NOT and have not so far have had one conversation without being interrupted, and his kids given the pripority over what I was saying. NOT ONCE have I felt when his kids are around that I also have a place. I am outside a circle,I am considered in baby sitting his little gilr when he plays football with his son, but in otherwise, I sit by them and watch them live their life. As I am not given time and space to be there. Ultimately, I left their house gently ad later tried to explain to him that wihtout him giving me this place, I can not be around and feel excluded.

I need to specify that in regards to him when he ocmes home and my kids are there, they gives us the space, as I have told them I need time with my new partner to talk, even for half an hour, and my kids respect this privacy that I so long for.
Maybe they are used to this with my ex husband, who repartnered three years ago after we separated, so yes my kids are a bit 'advanced' in this topic.

My new partner kids, have lost their mum, and as a result him and the two kids have grown extremely close, and have formed a really tight bond (if not sound proof!) , which I totally respect as an individula makes me question if I ever will have my place.

My questions are:

- should we still leave the kids away from our equasion and only get to know each other step by step , its only been two month and I am already in this forum!!, even if that means we see each other less but at least we get to build the couple before jumping into the blended family challenge?

- is it that blended family go a few steps faster along the way, so they get to see each other enough to establish this is a relationship and not a liaison?

- Does he have to adapt and do like me as in include my needs into his children's head as in, I do need one on one time with him even if I am at his house? I do feel I need this space with him too and don't just want this once a year when we go on a week end away!!

- is htere any mum who has repartnered with a widow and how do they handle this?

thank you for your time

Celine

-- posted by celinecharlotte

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds