Divorce

» tralala853 - future step sons are terrors!

My SO has 2 sons, 6 & 10, they both live with him full time and spend every other weekend with their mom. Since he works full time and usually overtime, a good portion of our time is spent together with the children, and I spend a fair amount of time alone with the boys either picking them up when Dad has to work late or taking one to a sports practice or game when their schedules conflict. The problem is that the boys are both very badly behaved. When I have both together, the older one will taunt the younger one until he reacts and then it's an all out hitting, punching and swearing war. It dosen't matter how many times I try to get in between them, they will not listen and they will not stop. The older one totally ignores me while the younger one mimics me, calls me names and basically disagrees with everything I say. They are both equally as bad with their father who yells and then ignores the situation. I know that he's at the end of his rope with the boys....I finally bought him a book on discipline "Smart Discipline" that I thought was good it was based on rewards for good behavior and losing priviledges for bad behavior. He has yet to pick up the book and it's been a month. I finally told him yesterday that he needed to find an au pair or sitter to watch the boys, I honestly can't take the abuse anymore. If he would just put a plan into place for me to follow, and if the children understood that there are consequences for their actions at least I would have something to start with. We do still live in seperate homes and I would not even consider living with him until he got those boys under control. Let me also say that the boys do know how to act....the older one has been student of the month, teachers and parents always comment on how polite he is. They are both in a martial arts after school program and are extremely respectful to all the instructors there. I don't even bother threatening to tell their Dad anymore, I just say I'll tell their Martial Arts instructor and they will usually get in line. Okay so here is my question....do I have a right to push my SO into setting limits for his children? Is it unreasonable to not want to spend time with children that are abusive to you? Don't get the wrong idea...I do care about the boys, I raised 2 of my own. Also for their sakes I think it's important for them to learn respect at home and understand limits in order to become good people. Am I overstepping my bounds?

-- posted by tralala853