Divorce

» mamaof4boyz1girl - Bonding

How easy or difficult has the bonding process been in your family? Do you have any tips to share?

-- posted by mamaof4boyz1girl

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» tone175 - Bonding

In response to Bonding posted by mamaof4boyz1girl:

The youngest children (4-9)were the easiest to bond with. I'm always surprised by how much young children remember. I tried to relate the concept that I was not here to replace anyone, but I was here in addition to the original parent.
The older child(14) already had some prolbems with the relationship with her mother. I think some of these problems between them also effected our individual relationship.
I tried to make sure that I wasn't dragging them into a triangle with other parents. I did not make any comments about other parents actions, good or bad, except to the adults that were involved.

Tony

-- posted by tone175

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» soph23 - Bonding

In response to Bonding posted by mamaof4boyz1girl:
It was very difficult for my stepson and I to bond. He was 14 when I married his Dad and I know he found it hard to accept my place in the family arrangement. He lived with us too, so I had a chance to show him I was a permanent feature. It does take time to build a relationship with sptepchildren. My stpeson is now 18 and we are still not close. Perhaps it will come with time.

-- posted by soph23

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» ShamrockMom35 - Not sure how to deal...

My son is 8 and my daughter is 6. Their father and I divorced in 2002 and then I relocated to Maine to be with family. The children have not seen their father since. I met a man in 2003 and after a year of dating, we moved into his house. He seemingly accepted my children as his own. Over the last few years however, my son and him just don't seem to get along very well. Both of them are alike in that they are both stubborn and have been arguing more and more. What I see going on is that my son craves his attention. He wants to do things with him, like go to the park and toss the ball around or something of the like but when he asks my boyfriend most always says no. I decided to talk with my boyfriend and share my point of view. I suggested that perhaps they find an common interest and try to routinely do that together, alone. While my boyfriend was receptive to what I had to say even agreeing with me, here I am a week later typing these very words. Last night everything came to a head. My son asked my boyfriend to take him to the park last night to play ball. He said no. My son reminded him that he'd told him this past weekend, that was something they could do. He said no again, that dinner would be soon. My son asked him why he even offered to take him if he never really planned on it. Needless to say this angered my boyfriend so his reply was,"If you had asked me when you got home I would have said yes."...My son got mad, had a temper tantrum and went in my room. He slunk down between my side of the bed and the wall and cried and cried. I'm afraid that my boyfriend's constant rejection of my son is doing more damage than good. My son is still wetting the bed, will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat and has been having what we think is acid reflux (Dr's appt tomorrow to confirm). What do I do? DO I back off and tell them to work this out? As a mother my heart just aches for my son...and what's weird to me is that he bonded right away with my daughter but not my son. How do I help turn this around for them. I love my boyfriend very much but my son's needs have to be met...are my expectations of my boyfrined too high? Is it possible he can't do for my son what I think he should...HELP!!!

-- posted by ShamrockMom35

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» mamaof4boyz1girl - Not sure how to deal...

In response to Not sure how to deal... posted by ShamrockMom35:

You are right to be concerned. Your son craves attention and guidance from the only male role model he has. If your boyfriend is not willing to step up to the role of "father" to your son, maybe he isn't the right man for the job. Remember your first responsibility is to your children, not a full grown man.
Your children are counting on you!
Cyn

-- posted by mamaof4boyz1girl

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