Divorce

» tayderde - disagree on how we have and will raise our children

Hi I have a 11 year old boy and my boyfriend has a 15 year old daughter.
We have been struggling with the discpline because his daughter went thru a divorce with him and her mom not wanting her in her life any longer. He keeps treading water because he feels his daughters mother will try to get custody of her because she has been getting into trouble lately. Skipping school, drugs, and alchohol. I am really frustrated because he wont do much other then ground her and take her to counseling. I understand she maybe hurting, but this is not a exceptable way for her to deal with it. He wants to change the rules know that his daughter has gotten into trouble and cant be responsible. I am really confused and frustrated. I love this man with all my heart, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He just keeps telling me we have to get thru these 3 yrs. That if we let her mom get custody she put us in financial ruin and make our lives miserable. I need some help on how to deal with this. Am I supposed to just listen to him, let it go if this is how he wants to raise his daughter? If anyone can help I would appreciate at greatly..
Thank you

-- posted by tayderde

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» mamaof4boyz1girl - disagree on how we have and will raise our children

In response to disagree on how we have and will raise our children posted by tayderde:

tayderde~
Differing opinions on discipline issues is one of the most common problems blended families face. I'm happy to hear that the 15 year old is in counseling. Every situation is different, which makes it difficult to give advice on what you should do. Generally speaking, decisions made should always be in the best interest of the CHILDREN, not the adults. Whether or not you would be in financial ruin or miserable, if the girl would benefit by living with her mother then that is where she should be. That was the first family he created and he needs to see it through to the end, not just "get through the next three years". He owes it to his daughter to make the best possible decision for HER, not him.

This may be hard for you to hear, but just as your boyfriend should be focusing on the best interests of his daughter, you should be focusing on the needs of your son. He needs your attention right now. Think about all the time this issue is taking away from him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
CYn

-- posted by mamaof4boyz1girl

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» tone175 - disagree on how we have and will raise our children

In response to disagree on how we have and will raise our children posted by tayderde:

Hi tayderde,
I'm a step-father with three children ages 6, 11, and 17. The daugther is almost eighteen and I can assure you from my experience, that things will not get better in the step-parent/child relationship without some extra help. It is rough going on my end with the oldest, the other two children are fine with me being their step-dad. My wife made a similar statement to me about three years ago, just hold on for 3 years and it will be over. Don't believe that statement for a moment! She will still be his daughter after she is eighteen and you will still be involved.
Don't be stuck, like me. Attack these problems in the relationships now.

You have two problems to deal with with. 1.Issues about "how to" discipline her with your spouse.
2. The problems in the relationship with your stepdaughter.

Both of these are going to take some hard work.
Best of luck,
Tony

-- posted by tone175

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