Many blended families fail because of unsuccessful bonding efforts. Avoid becoming a marital casualty by taking the necessary steps to save your family.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the bonding process is painstakingly slow. Maybe you don’t see any results at all. How do you build the blended family of your dreams when your stepchildren are not interested in a relationship with you? There is no doubt; many blended families fail because of unsuccessful bonding efforts.
Ideally, these types of issues should be dealt with prior to the marriage vows being made. If there are relational problems within the family unit, whether said troubles are between the adults or they include the children they should be handled with the assistance of a professional trained in blended family bonding. Unfortunately, often times in our society with its need for instant gratification the marital plunge is taken before familial problems are rectified. Taking the time to address your problems before the marriage will save everyone much anguish. The last thing anyone needs is an additional failed marriage, especially the children.
If you are among the many that have proceeded despite known problems, or if issues arose after the union that were not present beforehand, you have a lot of work ahead.First off, professional help is definitely indicated for the entire family. Everyone within the family unit brings with them individual baggage that cannot be undone. Finding a way to adjust to one another is a delicate matter which is difficult to achieve at best.
As the adult in the stepparent/stepchild relationship it is up to you to maintain a mature, calm demeanor. This can be difficult in a tumultuous household. Taking time to think before you react and viewing the situation through the eyes of your stepchild may help you remain focused. Some stepparents seem to feel that they are entitled to happiness, regardless of the feelings of others. They forget, or maybe they never realized, that once they chose to become a parent, their needs and desires became secondary to those of the child.
In addition to seeking professional intervention and keeping your composure in the midst of a familial storm stepparents should continue to participate in bonding activities that promote a positive atmosphere in the home and find additional support from those who have “been there”. Reading the article “Bonding with Stepchildren” will help with the bonding process in general. Activity suggestions that help encourage a sense of family in your home can be found in the article "Activities for Blended Families". For additional support and to share your story, join us in the blended family discussion forum.
