Stepsiblings That Are Close in Age
Creating a Positive Environment for Your Family to Blend
Blending a family when your children and step children are close in age can be more difficult than you anticipated. Measures can be taken to make the transition easier.
You find the perfect match; your soul mate. Not only are the two of you completely compatible in every way, your children are the same age! “What fun!” you think. “They’ll be the best of friends”. Not necessarily. Siblings that are close in age, step or otherwise, can have a difficult time negotiating their place in the family. There is often tension and possibly all out rivalry. There are some things you can try to help create harmony and balance in your home when you have children that are close in age to their step siblings.
Separate rooms ensure every one has their own space and shows that their privacy is respected. Allowing your child the freedom to decorate and “own” their room gives them a sense of pride. This is especially important for children who have been recently displaced by a recent divorce or remarriage. Allowing them their own room gives them a safe place to relax, reflect and retreat from blended family life when they need a break.
Housework distribution should be split as evenly as possible and rotated to avoid issues of perceived favoritism. If your son is responsible for feeding the dog, while your step son is expected to mow the lawn, wash the cars and take out the trash you can see where a problem may arise. Make it a point to divide the chores by how much time they take to complete not by the number of chores given. For example, washing the car takes a lot longer than taking out the trash. So make sure the person taking out the trash has enough small jobs to equal the length of time it takes to wash a car. Then make sure to rotate the jobs frequently so that no one is stuck forever with a job they hate to do. Take care not to fall into gender stereotypes, your son needs to learn to vacuum just as your step daughter would benefit by learning how to mow the lawn. You are less likely to run into problems later if you make the housework distribution list a family activity so everyone involved has equal input.
Spend time with your child and step children separately to give them a chance to speak openly with you about any problems they have. Don’t judge what they are saying and only offer advice if they ask for it. Often time’s children just want to be heard, they are not necessarily looking for someone to “fix” the problem.
If you implement these measures in your blended family it is likely that you will find your child and step children relaxed and with a positive attitude towards each other and your blended family as a whole.
Share your ideas for creating step sibling harmony in our discussion forum.
