A new baby is coming and you want to share the information with your blended family. For some, this will be an easy task and the news embraced by eager older siblings. For other blended families news of a new baby may bring apprehension, worry and even disgust. If you take time to plan the discussion, time it well and deliver the information with a positive attitude you make the news easier to digest.
How the news of a new baby in a blended family is received has to do with several key factors: the age of the children, the foundation of the family and the security of the children.
Consider the age of your children before you share your good news. The younger the child, the longer you can put off the discussion. Not that you are avoiding the issue, but the wait can be excruciating long for the most patient of blended family members. You will do young children a favor by shortening their wait by months if not weeks when age and maturity affords you the opportunity to wait in delivering the information.
If blended family bonding is still in its infantile stages use the period of pregnancy to fast track the bonding process. Although bonding can’t be forced, using every available opportunity to build close relationships between blended family members is crucial to the health of the family.
Help the children feel secure with their place in the family by making time for each of them individually and stressing their value as a team member. A new baby brings lots of extra work and there is plenty to go around. Assign age appropriate duties to children who are willing to participate. If reticent or older children balk at taking part in the care of the new baby, don’t force it. In time, they will come around on their own. In addition to encouraging participation, schedule time for mom and dad to spend with each child individually. Go on outings together, take walks and for older family members make time to talk and more importantly, listen to them.
Get professional help if you need it. Don’t hesitate to elicit the help of a therapist who specializes in blended family issues if you anticipate difficulties introducing a new baby into your blended family. Knowing when a situation dictates intervention and seeking the help you need doesn’t mean you are a failure, it shows that you are determined to make your blended family as healthy and happy as it can be!
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