In the previous article I mentioned several issues that have an impact on blending families, they were: the age of the child/children, the length of time you have known each other, the type of relationship you have, individual personality types and the length of time between the split of their parents and the present union. All of these variables must be taken into consideration from the moment you decide to marry.
Children always suffer when a divorce occurs. Make it a priority to be sensitive to their physical and emotional needs. Although younger children tend to adapt quickly to new circumstances, their immediate behavior may be challenging. Young children are not afraid to display their displeasure. They may scream, cry, and tantrum. Their sleeping and eating patterns may be disrupted. See them through this stage with as much love, patience and space they need. Older children may not exhibit such obvious displeasure outwardly. Watch for a change in eating and sleeping habits, as they could be a sign of depression. If you suspect depression in your child, seek medical care immediately.
A courtship period that allows time for the children and a stepparent to bond will contribute immensely to the success of the transition. Can you imagine being told that someone you hardly know is about to become an authority figure in your life and is moving into your home? Take the time to acclimate the children to the relationship before you begin sharing living space, you will be glad you did!
If you have a strong bond with the child/children they will be less resistant to becoming a blended family. Take the time to develop your relationship, plan activities that you both enjoy. Allow the children to take the lead when deciding how much time to spend together so they feel they have some control over the situation. Avoid over doing it with gifts and insincere attempts to engage the children, they can smell a phony a mile away!
Children who adapt to change and are flexible by nature will acclimate sooner to the new living arrangements. Even though this is the case, be sensitive to their feelings. Children who are more resistant to change will require plenty of time to adjust. The steps listed above may take twice as long or longer to accomplish with children who have a reluctant personality.
Children need plenty of time to heal following a divorce. You don’t want them to associate the break up of their family with the onset of a new relationship. Give them the time they need to grieve the disruption of their family as they know it. The adults in the situation likely new the break up was imminent. The children however are usually told about the separation right before it occurs, without warning.
Blending a family will be a challenge regardless of how you prepare yourselves and the children; but taking these steps to make things easier may help.
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