Have you recently blended two families into one family or have you been blended for a while, but things just aren’t quite what you expected? You aren’t alone in your disappointment. It seems that many single parents meet and fall in love with another single parent, and the reality of having a blended family isn’t at all what they were expecting (and hoping) to happen.
The Blended Family Myth
“Whole” families have been around forever and we know how they should function. Blended families only came in to the public eye during the last 4 decades, so they are a relatively new “concept” for many people. How do you know how a blended family is supposed to act? What do you model them after? Answer: TV shows and what was presented by the media.
One of the first TV shows to air that personified blended families was the Brady Bunch. The Brady’s had three girls and three boys who were smart, well behaved and obeyed their parents. They looked like the perfect family and it was hard to remember they were actually blended until they said something to remind you (or you listened to the opening song). The Brady’s are probably not typical to most current blended households. Why?
- Money. it is rare for a family (especially those with six kids) to have one parent earn enough money to support a family with several kids so the other parent can stay home. It is even more unusual for that family to still have enough money left over to hire a full time housekeeper/caretaker/cook.
- Feelings. The Brady's may have had their share of squabbles, but they were always resolved within the 30-minute timeframe and life went back to normal. There were no screaming matches with doors being slammed, silent treatment to other siblings, or tug of war between parents.
- Time. Mike Brady didn't work a ten or twelve hour or longer shift to earn his hefty income. He came home and spent a lot of time with his family, which also would have relieved some tension from Carol Brady with having to deal with six kids! How many mixed families have four hours after work – everyday – to sit down and eat, discuss the day and do something as a family? Very few, as one parent is usually working or running kids and the other is usually running kids, cleaning house, cooking or working. Heck, sitting down to dinner would probably be a treat.
Blended Families in the Media
While the Brady’s were a good start on introducing blended families to the rest of the world that had never heard of one, their reality was a little off for those who lived in one. Just like any other TV show depicting family life, the script writers made it seem happier than average to draw a large viewer base. In the years following the Brady Bunch, blended family shows took on a little meat and got in to real life issues that were more in touch with reality. Maybe your blended family is more in touch with one of those. Don’t worry if your reality doesn’t match the Brady Bunch – hardly any of the 33% of blended family homes in north America do either.
